| Book 95 - Kristy + Bart =? |
[Mar. 22nd, 2008|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | kristy | ] |
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Kristy + Bart = ?
Bart: Hi, Kristy :sexy eyebrow wiggle:
Kristy: Hi, Bart. Have you been playing with your balls recently?
Bart: What?!
Kristy: The Bashers practices. Are they going well?
Bart: Ughm. Hot today, isn't it?
--
:Kristy and Bart go to see a film:
Bart: :smooch:
Kristy: This is the good part
Bart: I KNOW
Kristy: I mean in the film
Bart: Oh
--
:Kristy and Bart round the bases. *cough*:
:Kristy tackles Bart:
Kristy: Bart, your bat's poking me in the back
Bart: Unngh...:pants:
Kristy: Bart, you're all cross-eyed and sweaty. Are you feeling all right?
Bart: :sigh:
--
:Kristy and Bart are watching TV:
:Cue porno music:
Watson: Ahem
Kristy & Bart: D:
---
:ring ring:
Bart: You've been a very naughty girl, Kristy. Are you enjoying your punishment?
Kristy: Screw you! :click:
Bart: Yes, please!...hello? Hello?
---
:Ring ring:
Kristy: Mary Anne, I think the pressure of our break-up has driven Bart wacko. He phoned again the other day and I think he was talking about new Bashers equipment and having trouble with baseball, but I'm not all that sure.
Mary Anne: How so?
Kristy: Well, there was a lot of interference on the line - I couldn't make anything out other than "blue balls" and "so hard"
Mary Anne: My, that is puzzling
---
:Kristy phones Bart:
Kristy: Hi Bart. I'm so sowwy - I'd like to invite you to our BSC event of the week if you're interested
Bart: I'm coming! Oh God, I'm coming!
Kristy: Oh, that's great. See you then
Bart: Sorry, what were you saying?
Kristy: I said it was great that you'd come along to the BSC event
Bart: Say what now?
--
: BSC Record Wreckers event:
Kristy: Hi, Bart. Are we still on for the dance?
Bart: What?
Kristy: You know - our wholesome friendly date.
Bart: Surprise! I have a penis
Kristy: DO NOT WANT
:The End:
Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm going straight to hell for writing that. |
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| BSC Fanfiction |
[Oct. 19th, 2007|06:53 pm] |
The majority of BSC fanfiction.
BSC: FRIENDS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER...
:Despite all being 32 years of age, the former BSC members decide to have a SLEEPOVER:
Kristy(or Dawn): I'm gay
Mary Anne: I'm married to Logan and we have two beeyooteeful twins - Logyanne and Spruno.
Stacey: I'm a big whore
Someone else: I'm dead
Jessi: I'm still black
:The End:
Dear Preteen Authors,
Most people do not hold sleepovers once they are past their teenage years. If they do it's generally not called a sleepover, it's called "I'm too drunk to get home by myself". Happy reading!
- Myu |
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| Book 115 - Jessi's Big Break |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|12:30 am] |
Jessi: I got into a New York dance course? Yeeesss!
Becca: Nooo! Bitch bitch bitch bitch
--
BSC: You're going for a whole three-dibbly-weeks? Distant?
Jessi: You know, it's not like I'm going away forever
BSC: Except that it is. This is semi-stale
--
:In New York:
Jessi: Wow, dancers! Black people! Black dancers! Chilly-distant-dibbleness!
Quint's dark, chocolatey eyes: I'm black and a dancer. And totally hawt for you.
Jessi: What should I do?
Tanisha: Tell him you're not interested
Jessi: But it's, like, so hard
Tanisha: And all the while he's, like, so hard. For you
--
:In Stoneybrook:
BSC: Jessi's been away for a week. Oh, woe is us.
Becca: Not me! Bitch bitch bitch
--
Jessi: Quint, I'm not ready for the seriousness of dating an eleven-year-old boy, even if you are a black dancer
Quint: Aw, bugger. Can we shag when you're legal?
Jessi: Like, totally
--
:In Stoneybrook:
BSC: Woo-hoo! Partay so fancy for Jessi's dancie!
:Jessi is a no-show:
:Aunt Cecelia trusts a five-year-old to pass on a phone message:
BSC: Non-chilly, non-distant, this is just so goddamn STALE!
Becca: Bitch bitch bitchity bitch!!
--
Mr. Brailsford: Jessi, you've done so well that we want you to join Dance NY full-time. This is truly the chance of a lifetime - come and make all your dreams come true!
Jessi: No thanks
- The End - |
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| Book 102 - Mary Anne and the Little Princess |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:43 pm] |
Kristy: A new family has moved in and they're, like, totally British
Mary Anne: Rather
:ring ring:
Miss Rutherford: Frightfully, yaars, to the manor born, scrumpliciously splendiferous, dear
Mary Anne: Quite
--
Victoria Kent: Sardines and tinned peaches! I do always say that food tastes much better out in the open air
Mary Anne: Indeed
Victoria: Being British is frightfully dull. Won't you instruct me in the ways of your language, Mary Anne?
Mary Anne: Durr, li'l ol' me goin' teach you the talk? Us Americans sure talk good style, y'all oughta know!
Victoria: Oh, I daresay...um, I mean "Y'all sure do, sugar!"
--
Victoria: Hey Miz Ruthafurd, git 'chure ass down in this here yard, asshole!
Stacey: Uh, hello? In New York we, like, totally say 'Yo' all the time.
Victoria: Yo, Imma fixin' ter open me up a big ol' canna whupass on that smart mouth you got there, moron
Stacey: That's what I like to hear!
- The End -
Subplot: Sharon is clearly showing early signs of dementia. No-one cares. |
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| Book 118 - Kristy Thomas, Dog Trainer |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:41 pm] |
Watson: We're going to get a guide dog
Kristy: Really?
Watson: Yes
:They do:
- The End -
Ann M Martin: This story is SPECIAL because there is a BLIND PERSON in it. |
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| Book 33 - Claudia and the Great Search |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:38 pm] |
:Janine gets an award at school:
Claudia: Why don't I ever get any awards?
Claudia's parents: Because you can't spell for toffee
Claudia: Mmm, toffee!
Claudia's parents: Spell 'who'
Claudia: Uhmm...
--
Claudia: What's wrong with me? No, wait - it's not me, it's them. They're not my real parents.
Stacey: What?
Claudia: I found a locked cash box in my parents' study. Therefore, I'm adopted
Stacey: Um, right
Claudia: There was also no birth announcement in the paper for me. Proof or what?
Readers: WTF?
--
:ring ring:
Claudia: Are you my mother?
Mrs Salem: No
:ring ring:
Claudia: Are you my mother?
Random person: No
:ring ring:
:no answer:
Claudia: Jackpot!
--
Mrs Kishi: Is there something wrong, Claudia?
Claudia: Are you my mother?
Mrs Kishi: Yes
Claudia: ...oh.
--
Subplot: Emily Michelle doesn't show any signs of intellectual prowess. Which obviously is a cause for great concern, given that she's two and a half. The Brewers decide to let Claudia teach her basic colours and numbers. No-one else notices that Emily Michelle is quite obviously DOOMED FOR LIFE but then in the end she manages to pick up a phone, so apparently the problem is solved. |
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| Book 67 - Dawn's Big Move |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:36 pm] |
Dawn: I'm Dawn, and I have a BICOASTAL family
Readers: We know
Richard: Oh look, a sports event that includes a striptease masquerading as a race. That sounds like just my thing.
---
Dawn: Boo hoo. I want to go back to California.
Sharon: But we're having such good wholesome fun, taking our clothes off out here on the front lawn.
Richard: :strips:*If you love my body and you think I'm sexy...*
Arnolds: :passing by: Like woah.
Dawn: Yes, I want to leave town now
---
Dawn: I'm going back to California!
BSC: Whee! Dibbly chilly-distant-freshness!
Kristy: Try it, bitch! What about our babysitting business?
Dawn: Oh my god, how can I leave when a business run by a group of underage kids needs me? Shit, I should have thought about things like this beforehand! Oh, woe is me.
--
:Run For Your Money day. The BSC and Friends compete with their Lawrenceville clones and beat them senseless, of course.:
--
Dawn: I'm going back to California. No wait, now I'm staying because of many, many reasons, including some bollocks with Jessi that has nothing to do with me.
Sharon: Yeah, right. Go.
Richard: Go
Dawn: :goes:
- The End -
Subplot:
:The Suddenly-Super-Greek-Papadakises have a barbecue and eat weird stuff like lamb.: |
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| Book 50 - Dawn's Big Date |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:33 pm] |
:New Year sleepover at the Schafer-Spier house:
BSC: Boys, boys boys!
Mallory: Ben has such a nice...nose
Dawn: I am, like, so horny.
BSC: Resolutions!
Mary Anne: I'm going to be more slutty around Logan. How about you, Dawn?
Dawn: I'm going to get laid - er, layers...in my hair.
- :the next week: -
Mary Anne: Logan's cousin is coming to town!
Dawn: Shit!
Mary Anne: What?
Dawn: Uh...fit! Lewis - he's a really fit bloke.
Mary Anne: Riiight
- :later: -
Dawn: I'm so secure about my appearance that I have to completely change it. I also have to slouch around and shrug a lot. Because that's cool. Ooh, when's my next babysitting job?
Mary Anne: I'll tart you up.
Dawn: Okey doke!
-:at school:-
Teacher: Do you know the answer to this one, Dawn?
Dawn: :makes idiotic joke:
Class: Like WOOAH!111! Dawn is teh shiz!
Dawn: :slouches:
BSC: You look like shit.
Dawn: shrugs
Mary Anne, Dawn, Logan and Lewis go to see Gone With the Wind
Dawn: Blah blah blah!
:Mary Anne pinches Dawn:
Dawn: Fuck!
Logan/Lewis: What?
Dawn: Um...duck! I thought I saw a bee
Lewis: In the middle of winter? Whatever. Want some popcorn?
Dawn: Nah.
:pinch:
Dawn: Ow!
Logan/Lewis:??
Dawn: Uh...Now! I want some popcorn NOW!
Lewis: Dude, does she have Tourette's or something?
Logan: :shrugs:
:at the film:
Dawn: :knocks over the popcorn while trying to be sexy:
Lewis: WTF?
Dawn: Umm, nervous twitch?
:Dawn gets a case of panda eyes when Bonnie dies. Oh, if you haven't seen GWTW then don't read that last part.:
Dawn: Shiiiit! :runs off:
Mary Anne: Oh, what a drama queen
Lewis: Dude, she can't help having Tourette's. Have some tolerance.
:at home:
Dawn: Mary Anne, this is all your fault!
Mary Anne: I am so not speaking to you, whore
:obligatory fight period:
Dawn: I don't want to look like a cheap whore anymore
Lewis: Woo hoo
Dawn: Wanna screw?
Lewis: I beg your pardon?
Dawn: Er...wanna chew...some healthy food with me?
Lewis: You know, you should really see somebody about that speech problem.
Dawn: Uh-huh. I wuv you, I'm sorry Mary Anne, happy ending!
Subplot
Norman Hill: I'm fat. Boo hoo
Dawn: Eat fewer pies
Norman: Okay! |
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| Book 127 - Abby's Un-Valentine |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:31 pm] |
:run-up to Valentine's Day at SMS:
Abby: Valentine's Day? Ew!
Ross Brown: Hellooo, Abby
Abby: :makes stupid joke:
Ross: Ho ho ho!
---
BSC: Ohmigosh the VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE! Squeee!!
Abby: Blargh! Spew!
Claudia: Well, Abby's all set for the dance
Abby: Buh?
Stacey: Yeah, Ross Brown thinks you're totally hawt
Abby: Eh?
Claudia: You made a joke and he practically ejaculated.
Abby: Bah!
--
Abby: Valentine's Day, pah! Grumble mumble...
Ross: Do you want to go to the dance?
Abby: No
Ross:...oh.
--
Abby: Valentine's Day Dance? Fuggit, not gonna
Claudia/Stacey: WTF?!
--
Anna: You said no????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abby: Buh!
Anna: Ross is, like, so hawt!
:ding-dong:
Anna: OMG, ROSS!!
Ross: Woah, classical music is, like, so teh shiz!1oneone!
Abby: :lightbulb:Buuuh! Likes Anna does Ross! Wrong twin alert! Mee-ma-mee-ma!
--
:Ross mixes up Abby and Anna:
:Anna doesn't correct him, for whatever STUPID reason:
Ross and Anna: Wow, music/flowers/peace
:enter Abby's mother:
Abby's mother: Uh, Anna?
Ross: Anna?
Anna: Abby?
Abby: Anna?
Ross: What the fuck?
--
Abby and Anna: We're sowwy!
Anna: I'm the one you're actually hot for
Abby: Yah!
Anna: I wuv you Ross!
--
Subplot: Scout (the guide dog) has to leave
Andrew: Noo! Don't leave!
Kristy: Get the fuck over it.
:He does: |
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